Conflict is a normal part of the human experience. Everyone has their own thoughts, feelings, and opinions. It’s no surprise that disagreements arise, especially when families gather. In fact, avoiding conflict altogether is unhealthy.
Knowing conflict resolution techniques and how to handle these types of situations can make it easier to walk away from a family gathering feeling at peace, rather than frustrated or even angry. Try working through these techniques the next time you find yourself in the midst of a conflict.
5 Conflict Resolution Techniques
1. Attack the Problem, Not the Person
One thing that’s been happening more frequently in the past couple of years is people attacking each other rather than discussing the problem at hand. It is possible to disagree with someone and still count them as a friend or loved one.
Instead of placing an attack on someone’s character, just talk about the issue at hand. Consider both sides of the coin using empathy and understanding. Even if you leave the conversation still feeling the same way, you worked to keep a relationship intact instead of placing blame or shaming someone, which can lead to defensive behavior very quickly.
2. Listen and Acknowledge
In any conflict, whether it’s over who should do the dishes or who should be leading the country, people almost always already have set opinions. If you find yourself arguing points in your head before the other person has even finished what they’re saying, you’re not alone. This is often the most natural way to respond to an argument – but it isn’t the healthiest or most efficient.
While it takes practice to slow down and listen to the other person, you may learn something unexpected about the other person and their point of view. It’s easy to assume that you already know what they’re going to say – instead, listen carefully and then repeat their important points back to them.
Respect is critical to any conflict resolution technique.
3. Use “I” Statements
It’s important to remember that your feelings are your own. Nobody makes you feel a certain way. Instead of saying, “You made me feel terrible,” try something along the lines of “When you talk down to me, I feel angry and frustrated.”
It helps to both name the feelings and take ownership of them, all while being open with the other person about their actions. This helps take some of the feeling of blame away so you can both look at the problem for a more objective space.
4. Focus on the Conflict That’s Happening Now
Old hurts often come up when you’re in a conflict with someone – while talking about those conflicts is important, too, it’s rarely productive when dealing with the conflict at hand. It can cause the issue to become muddled, adding to previous conflicts rather than helping to settle anything new.
Remember, this is not an attack on a person, but a chance to work through something that’s bothering both of you.
5. Work Together to Come Up with Solutions
For some conflicts, the solution is to agree to disagree. However, for many issues, you can work together with the other person to brainstorm solutions that will work for all parties. Always have a solution ready, but be open to listening to the other person’s ideas, too. You may be able to compromise or form an even better solution when you put your heads together.
Peaceful problem solving is always preferable to yelling and screaming.
If you need more help coming up with peaceful conflict resolution techniques, a qualified therapist can help. They can also work with you to help you understand what is a conflict worth resolving and what is a relationship that may no longer be healthy for either party.
Questions or want to get in touch with a therapist? Drop us a line.